This past week, I was blessed to spend my birthday in sunny Hawaii.
As I woke up that day, I was excited to think that I could spend my special day doing anything I wanted in one of the most beautiful settings our world has to offer. I could eat what I wanted. I could buy what I wanted. I could walk, explore, run, climb, swim, admire the holiday decorations, build a sand castle or just do nothing at all.
While walking up and down the beaches of Waikiki, observing the throngs of tourists enjoying their first time, or 15th time, in paradise, there were groups of people who were not having the same level of happiness or even contentment in this land of sand, sun, water and acres of shopping. These folks were parked on benches or picnic tables with shopping carts filled with their belongings, additional roller suitcases on the side and extra shopping bags on top of all of that.
These folks were ignored by the crowds that made their way up and down the beautiful walkways. They became invisible as if they did not belong in these luscious picture-postcard views. Many held handmade signs that asked for donations of food, clothes, money, or even a smile.
Ironically, it was the signs asking for just a smile that got to me.
Now, as many of you know, I live in San Francisco, California. My city is known for our ever- increasing homeless population and as a SF resident since 1986, I have gotten used to people asking me for money, stepping over a person on the sidewalk as I make my way to a client meeting, and learning to avoid eye contact with anybody who could potentially be deemed a “threat”. It took 5 decades+ of my life rotations around the sun for me to see how one human asking another human for a smile had made me callous towards a segment of the population that I had chosen to ignore and make invisible. I was ashamed to say that I had also made fun of these people, I had made myself to feel superior and I had generally written these people off. I was judging and I was judging hard. I was actually part of the problem….not the solution.
Wow, what had happened to me? I was not the type of person I would want to be around, must less be any kind of ambassador of generosity and gratitude. I certainly wasn’t living what my loving parents and sister always mentored and coached me to be. Would they be proud of what I had become?
All of this hit me like a ton of Hawaiian Spam as I struggled with my blessed life in light of someone asking me for just a smile. Yeah, I know….poor me! Not!
The best gift I received that day was a kick in the butt to start treating everyone I met with respect and a smile. Everyone. I made a deliberate pledge to change my thoughts and judgments which will change my feelings and which will change my overall outlook and experience.
Remember, our job is not to change our world…our job is to change ourselves so our world will change.
As I was becoming more aware of this, I walked by a Honolulu Cookie Company store. They are known for their delicious and wide variety of cookie flavors. Each of their stores are crowded with rich aromas like butter, chocolate, and macadamia nuts. And all of their magical cookies are individually wrapped like beautiful little presents waiting to be opened and savored.
It was on a spur of the moment that I went in and bought dozens of these cookies with my intent to pass them out to the previously ignored folks I had walked by many times. The lovely sales clerk asked why I was buying so many individual cookies…i.e. “what kind of party are you having?!” When I told her my intention, she smiled and reached below the counter and dumped another dozen into my now over flowing bag. Thank you HCC!
As I approached the first individual, I was nervous. Here comes this stranger asking if you want a cookie? But that all melted away when this lovely lady reacted with such excitement to receive a cookie “gift” and she became even more excited when she was able to pick her flavor. Giving people a choice is still a very empowering gift even when picking out a cookie. She did ask me for something else though…and that was for another cookie. When I said she could have as many as she wanted…she chose only 2 more, telling me she wanted to leave enough for the other people I would be passing by. Gulp.
As the afternoon progressed, I passed the cookies out among the waves of the ocean and the tourists and then took detours down back streets and alleys where the sun really doesn’t shine. I did not expect nor require any gratitude, but every person I met, even those potentially clouded by drink and drugs, was gracious in their own way and all said “thank you.” Many said they appreciated just being “seen.” Gulp again.
Did I do this to make myself feel better based on my new level of self-awareness? Partially. But more important, I came away from this experience with 3 simple yet pivotal learnings for me to practice in my life:
1. Everybody wants to be seen and acknowledged…even for a just a second. Human to human connection can be bridged by a smile.
2. Everybody has a heart buried underneath their burdens that sometimes needs a little sun to uncover. Our sun is not discriminatory and neither should be the sun we choose to shine.
3. Everybody has a default graciousness if treated with respect and a little less judgment. Our world can be harsh…don’t make it harsher for others.
Did this solve our homeless problems? No. Are those people still on the street? Most likely. But if even for a second, they think that a stranger took the time to bring a little something sweet into their life…maybe, just maybe, their experience was uplifted with a little ray of sun and hope in the form of a cookie. I know mine was.
Aloha & Mahalo.
Paul